


Accidental Portraits of Richard

by andrea_deer



Category: Black Sails
Genre: Crack, F/M, Getting Together, M/M, Modern AU, No Beta, accidental dick pic, but it will stay with me forever, meme based fic, most of my new knowledge was not used in the fic, you guys don't how much i had to learn about dick pics to write this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-17
Updated: 2017-05-17
Packaged: 2018-11-02 00:33:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10933269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andrea_deer/pseuds/andrea_deer
Summary: In hindsight, he should have reconsidered the option of a separate phone more carefully, when he started fucking his employer's wife.Based on this text post:boss: “know why I called you in here?”me: “because I accidentally sent you a dick pic”boss: “accidentally?”





	Accidental Portraits of Richard

**Author's Note:**

  * For [leavesatanalone](https://archiveofourown.org/users/leavesatanalone/gifts).



> me: I have so many fics started, some with deadlines!  
> my best friend, leavesatanalone: hey, you know this text post about accidental dick pic? Thomas/James, come on!
> 
> also, title from another meme:
> 
> You: Dick Pics  
>  Me, an intellectual: Portraits of Richard ([x](http://heart.tumblr.com/post/151196738009/punkrockpearl-you-dick-pics-me-an))

Few times that the issue has been brought up with him, James insisted that he did not need a separate phone for work. As he rose through the ranks and eventually became the chief of security for one of the richest and most influential politicians in England, the amount of his contacts and hours spent on the phone doing business grew significantly, but he always managed it with ease. The work was never the problem. The limited personal life certainly helped with that as well. 

In hindsight, he should have reconsidered the option of a separate phone more carefully, when he started fucking his employer's wife.

He could still feel the heat of embaressment and excitement from taking the picture Miranda asked him for. Good Lord, he was too old and far too mature to be taking nude pictures for anyone! Then again, he liked to think he was too sensible to have an affair with a married woman as well before Miranda started it. It was impossibly hard to say no to her. Mainly because he never really wanted to, knowing that the burning sensation of shame will be a small inconvenience in comparison to the pleasure he gained. 

He rather hoped the requested picture will bring him similar results, no matter how doubtful he was about it at the moment. 

It wasn't a bad picture exactly, he was pretty sure. After several attempts in the harsh light of his bathroom, he decided to take the picture in the bedroom instead. With just the night light on the picture was clear enough, but made him feel less like he was posing and showing off like an overconfident twenty-something kid. 

His dick was certainly there - hard and eager despite James' embarrassment - and so were his thighs, which Miranda seemed to always appreciate. He hit send before he managed to reconsider it again, he already spent far too much time on it if he planned to pretend it wasn't a big deal.

Thomas' face blinked at him from his phone and he froze. In his haste, he picked the wrong contact number. Automatically he clicked on the Hamilton name without checking properly which Hamilton he chose.

Thomas' contact picture stared back for a long second that seemed to last an age as James' heart stopped and his stomach plummeted down to his feet.

He was finished, he managed to think before springing to action and switching his phone to the airplane mode as quickly as possible. Done fast enough sometimes it stopped the message from being delivered or so he heard. He had little hope it would work this time and the small notification that the message was already sent seemed to be another shovel of dirt on top of his coffin.

He sat staring at his phone as it came back to live with another small notification that let him know there was no point in hoping Thomas was already asleep and James still had few hours to consider more insane routes of action like breaking into the house he secured himself and stealing his employer's phone. Perhaps no one would notice. Perhaps he could blame it on some security threat. 

He was half-way through creating a horribly improbable explanation when the notification of his message being opened ruined this last possible solution.

He considered calling Miranda to let her know what happened. When they started their affair she assured him she had the kind of relationship with Thomas that allowed such insecurities with absolutely no hard feelings between them. James chose to pretend to believe it, but he hardly thought Thomas' tolerance extended as far as seeing naked pictures of his wife's lovers. 

Miranda should've been warned about what happened, James knew that, but the idea of turning his phone back on filled him with dread. The idea of confronting Thomas right now... He put the phone on the bedside table without deactivating the airplane mode, hoping few hours of being cut off from the real world would help him come up with some solution to the mess he put himself in. Unlikely as it seemed right now. 

-

He still hadn't come up with anything by the time he entered the office the next morning, despite the sleepless night. He wasn't even sure how he managed to get to work, but it seemed the drilled into him responsibilities still somehow won over the overpowering panic. 

He turned his phone on.

Thomas called him three times, Miranda once.

There was a post-it-note _"See me in the office at 10. Thomas."_ taped to his monitor.

It seemed the time for avoidance was at its end.

He put his head on the desk with a loud thunk, startling his PA who brought him tea before carefully evacuating from his office as far as possible.

-

Through the weird tricks of time, James managed to worry about his meeting at ten for about eight years before the dreaded hour came seemingly in a blink of an eye. He straightened his shirt and putting fake confidence around himself like a well-worn coat, he knocked on Thomas' office door.

"Come in!" came the cheerful voice and James wanted to curse himself some more.

He thought plenty about losing his job, losing Miranda, losing his reputation, but he avoided as much as possible the thought of losing Thomas. The man became his friend quickly and fascinated James to no end. To thought he would lose his presence in his life over such a stupid mistake, it was perhaps the worst part of the whole mess.

Thomas smiled at him and James insides twisted in pain. 

"Sit down, James," Thomas mentioned to the chair opposite him by the small table he ate lunch at.

On the table before them was spread a generous meal from a restaurant Thomas favored and in the middle of it was a bottle of champagne. It seemed the negotiations with the Americans went well.

"I think you know why I called you in here," Thomas said with the warmest, most welcoming smile.

It was that smile that first made James think that maybe Thomas is the good guy here. Even before he got a chance to talk to Thomas personally, he could feel the tiniest shred of hope that maybe after working with too many sleazy politicians and even greedier corporation owners, he somehow managed to get employed by a man he could genuinely enjoy working with. It didn't take long to confirm that hope and quickly he realized he wanted to protect Thomas at all cost not because of his duty, but because he honestly and earnestly believed the world would be a worse place without this man in it.

And it all was meant to end in such a ridiculous fashion.

"Because I accidentally sent you a dick pic?" James asked dryly with a bitter smirk.

Thomas paused in his careful spreading of the restaurant goods. He slowly put the plate with the pasta down.

"Accidentally?" he asked quietly and James blinked in shock for a moment as he stared at Thomas.

Was it a joke? 

He'd readily believe it from anyone else, perhaps even Thomas if he not for the fact that such a prank was far too deceitful and cruel for him. Still, the only other option was far too farfetched to...

He watched the man's embarrassed smile withering.

"I-" James started awkwardly, knowing he needed to say something to stop Thomas from whatever thought path he entered as his expression soured, but had no idea what.

"Apologies, James," Thomas' smile brightened again, but it was no longer the honest one that beaconed people who never even thought of following the man before. It was the one practiced for less pleasant interviews and political rivals. It was quite impressive actually and James never before considered it painful, perhaps because it never before was turned towards him. "I think we had a bit of a misunderstanding."

"Clearly," James agreed quickly. "I was certain you wanted to fire me at the very least, possibly have quietly killed."

Thomas snorted.

"We've worked together for eight months and you still think I have skeletons in my closets?"

"I was certain it'd be my honor to be the first one."

Thomas smiled easier and James wasn't certain when making this man smile became more important than his duties or embarrassment, but here they were.

"The picture was meant for Miranda, wasn't it?" Thomas asked calmly and James nodded.

"To be quite honest, I am still uncertain how she managed to convince me to do it."

"She's good at that," Thomas assured him, looking almost proud.

"I've made a mistake while choosing the number," he explained unnecessarily. 

"And spent the rest of the night becoming a nervous wreck, it seems," Thomas noted, now watching James carefully. 

He put a reassuring hand on James' palm which rested against the cold, glass table. In contrast, Thomas' hand was warm and soft, James noted absentmindedly.

"Don't worry about it, my friend. It seems we both run on far too many assumptions and far too little sleep. We can easily forget all about it."

He patted James' hand and made a move to leave it when James automatically grasped for it to avoid the loss of touch.

His heart was pounding even louder than when he noticed Thomas' name as the recipient of the photo he had sent. Despite the street sounds he knew were coming along with the warm air from an open window he could only hear his own pulse echoing in his ears. He had no idea what he was doing.

He looked desperately at Thomas, trying to find the right words and yet hoping his friend will once again know him well enough to understand what he failed to say.

Thomas licked his lip nervously and James' eyes tracked the movement in desperate high-focus. 

He felt his skin over sensitive as it registered the pressure of Thomas' left hand careful, feather light touch on his cheek. He let it guide it as Thomas' leaned in for a kiss.

-

The lunch hour Thomas' had scheduled run out and they both went back to their duties for the day. 

James left the building, more than ever grateful his duties took him outside today because the energy and excitement still buzzing in his veins would not allow him to sit still. He hoped the training with the new guards will let him calm down and force his brain to focus.

It took over three hours and a training perhaps more forceful than he planned, but it felt like he was back in full command of his nerves by the time he walked back towards the lockers. He reached for his bag, automatically checking his phone before hitting the showers.

_One message from Thomas Hamilton._

**"Now we're even. :) #noshame"**

The carefully regained calmness left in an instant as James opened the attached picture that was taken, judging by the tiles, in the bathroom attached to Thomas' office.

**"Would love to see you tonight. Come by after the training?"**

James pressed his forehead against the cool metal of his locker, taking a deep breath. What the hell he got himself into? He thought, a toothy grin spreading across his face.

**"I'll be there."**


End file.
